A little hope on a Thursday...

So, let me see if I've got this.....the move suddenly doesn't appear as unrealistic as it should?

I ran our credit reports last night. Side rant: quite annoying that I can't get the "score" without paying $7.95 per to each agency...and further annoying that it's basically impossible to get the TransUnion report to run. But the other two agencies gave it up easily (one even lets you download a PDF of your report), and the results surprised me a little. The worst: two negatives I don't care about and have no intention of ever paying, and two negatives that are totally reasonable and can be paid off in a week probably. Holy crap! We may find our problem is not enough credit history!

That's by design, unfortunately; thanks to a repo, we've spent the last 5 years paying on a car loan that's not in our name (it's quite handy actually, having the same names, almost to the letter, as Les's folks), and we are part of family plans on both our cell phones and car insurance. We rent, and that'll be our saving grace hopefully, the fact that I've been renting places for 17 years with good standing/no evictions. I know we may still have a bit of a fight ahead, finding a place to live, but it feels a pinch more doable now, and that's an indescribable relief.
We're seriously set in our ways. I've spent the week feeling like I'm shaking something off. We're disorganized this week on evening meals, and aside from those credit reports, I'm getting little accomplished in the evenings. I'm glad to be heading into a weekend. The to-do lists are piling up in my head, and it's time to get cracking!

Image from here.

So here's where we are...

The bad news from home that was mentioned at the end of the last post was pretty bad: my FIL was diagnosed with stage 4 adenocarcinoma. Still no known origin, but hopefully they can link it to Agent Orange, as he was a Vietnam vet with 2 Purple Hearts. He's had 3 rounds of chemo and is holding his own. All prayers appreciated and gladly accepted.

The job hunt almost went on hold for the last couple of weeks, because between back-and-forth trips to SC in June and the total lack of nibbles to my initial applications, I needed to stop and regroup. There's a possibility of job prospects at my Lil Sis's company, but I'm also looking hard at staffing agencies, because time is getting away from us already. Also, I'm so damn bored at my current position, it has me wondering if another career shift is in order. I have no intention of ever having a "career" singular, as I have too many things I want to do in this life. Why shouldn't I take this opportunity to branch out?

Because the economy may not let me. God, looking for work in this tenuous economy sucketh the big one! We can't move unless I'm employed, but we're so damn ready to get the hell out of Dodge, I don't know how we'll adjust if we're forced to stay. Can't think that way yet, just keep pushing forward.

I have a trip planned the 1st weekend of August to Charlotte. Between now and then, I'll be nailing down where I want to go...what staffing agencies I want to give my information to, and what neighborhoods I want to investigate/explore. I will also be visiting my bank for financial advice between now and then, to confirm that the move is in fact feasible.

Packing is about the only area where I've moved forward...I'm hitting a stage where we need bigger boxes, and I'm going to take what's already packed and a) see if it needs a new box because the old one should be recycled, and b) catalogue its contents.

Lists

The job hunting is picking up, and I'm realizing some things.

1. I can't let only a job dictate where we live.
2. I can't let only my desires dictate where we live.

I was branching out a bit, out of fear mainly, because I'm getting zero nibbles from my job apps thus far in the Charlotte area, so I expanded the search to include the whole state. But I'm realizing some things quickly about the RTP area that make it unfeasible, never mind that Leslie doesn't want to move anywhere near there, bless his heart. I totally get his desire to live elsewhere; he went to school there, lived there for years, and the memories aren't all good. It's why I'm looking everywhere but Gastonia as well, as I have no desire to revisit a year that I've spent significant time blocking.

So I'm looking at Raleigh/Durham/Chapel Hill, and I realized some things pretty quickly...

1. It's more expensive (Les has said this before, but until you see it in black and white, it doesn't sink in).
2. Houses in our price range originally had wheels or cinder blocks for foundations.

I wholeheartedly admit to being a class snob. I don't ever want to live in a prefab house. Hell, the way I walk alone would make it unfeasible; I'd be shaking the damn thing just going room to room! I know they're built better than that, but it's just not something I ever see us in.

I'm only looking at rental homes initially, because it's just easier. I haven't a clue if we're financially "in the market," so there's no point of trying until we're settled up there. As a result though, I also don't want to be sinking thousands into something every month for rent, regardless of how much I end up making. So by keeping our range below $900, it gives a clear view of what's available and feasible.

So looking at the maps of the area and the rental website, another something became clear...there's NOTHING outside the cities in the RTP area. While I have no problem moving to the backwoods, having to rely on cities that we don't actually want to live near just wouldn't work either. And if we're living, for example, halfway between Greensboro and Raleigh, but it's easier to get to Raleigh and Raleigh has more "stuff", where do you think we're going to be going for provisions? So I'm relaxing and narrowing my scope once again.

And yet I'm expanding it as well, in the area of types of jobs I'm looking for. I can tell that certain fields, like the entry level financial advisor stuff at Edward Jones, aren't going to look at me twice when my resume's next to an MBA, but administrative assistant roles are right up my alley and I've been in the workforce long enough to show reliability.

Crap, bad news from home, more later...

Such an undertaking...

Just spent the last hour checking out rental houses in Charlotte online...mainly for motivational purposes. It brings up questions upon questions, lists upon lists in my head, that need to be put down somewhere so that I/we have a chance of pulling off this rather monumental undertaking.

We know we want a house. The good news is if I can find work in my current pay grade, we can afford to rent a house quite easily, provided our credit has improved enough to get us in the door. I pray this is the case. When we get a little closer, I'll need to invest in credit reports for both of us.

The second bit of good news is that the houses for rent in Charlotte aren't dives, by any stretch. I'm not familiar enough with the neighborhoods yet to know where to steer clear, but there wasn't one turkey in the batch I was looking at (from a particular real estate/prop. mgmt company). Some ugly or outdated decor, some age that could prove challenging, but nothing that made me say "no way" at first glance. And that's important, as I'm someone who can drive into an apartment complex and know if it'll work or not for me before I even see the inside of the place.

So many lists to create....

1. Confirming whether or not the house comes with a dishwasher when the pictures show it as having one, but the listing says it doesn't....confirming other appliances too, as I'm seeing that refrigerator and range aren't always automatically present either.
2. Confirming central heat & air...I don't want to look at houses that only have window units, but if we get desperate enough...
3. Confirming whether or not landscaping is covered by the PM or by us.
4. Confirming AT LEAST washer/dryer connections.
5. Confirming what types of repairs we're responsible for vs. when it's time to call the PM to repair something.
6. Are we allowed to paint?
7. Are we allowed to plant anything outside?
8. Are we allowed to hang a clothesline?

I'm looking at strictly suburban homes for the first year, so won't even ask about zoning regulations regarding livestock. It's not worth the struggle, and we're not ready anyway; with any luck, we'll have a small human to tend to in the first year up there, and that will put quite a few things on hold in all likelihood. I'm flexible about certain things (lot fencing, dishwasher), not so flexible on others (CH&A is a necessity with southern summers). The lists need to start happening.

My "bucket" has been half full the last couple of weeks. I'm letting myself be overwhelmed by life, and that's BS. Starting lists and projecting a budget for the move will go a long way toward organizing my thoughts and not letting life just pass me by. My Virgo nature has to count for something in all this.

Believing...

...WILL make it so.

Image from here.

Really just updating this one, because I'm in an updating mood...updated Ember Madrone and then realized I wanted to update Dark Meadow, just to get the heavy mood off of that one, so....

We can't save any money until after the turn of the Gregorian year. The holidays would suck any savings dry, so there's no point in even trying. Once we get through the holidays, I'll reassess. Unfortunately, we've been neglecting the car a bit though, so I'll need to keep that in the foreground as we start to save.

My company's stock has started climbing in response to our most recent merger. Most of my options were given to me at a price that's still potentially in the red, but there's a possibility of funds there next year. My 401(k) has been climbing too, but I absolutely don't want to touch that for the move, so it's not going to be an option until we are seriously desperate/down to the wire on this...

Husby's been up and around a little more, whether in response to passive-aggressive comments on my part or an increase in serotonin thanks to modern medicine, I can't tell. It does my heart good tho'. Hopefully next year, we can start him on a path back to civilization, first by fixing his teeth and then by finding work.

Figured out we save about $25 a month just with the Keep the Change thing thru Bank of America. The trick is leaving that money in the ole savings account....again, after the holidays...

I feel really positive of late about the move. Between saving, creative financing, and a lot of hard work, it will happen. This time next year, I'll be planning Thanksgiving at my house, because we'll have the most room. Almost a relief, this motivation...it'll move mountains when the time comes.

At What Expense, Sanity?

This post may belong on Ember Madrone, but given the sensitive nature, I'm blowing off steam about it here, since hardly anyone really reads this blog. Besides, it does have a correlation to the move. There are times I thank the gods that we still have 13 months to get our shit together. I obviously need it.

Opportunities have been opening up at my work. My team lost its manager. I've been with the company more than 10 years, and have been in QC for at least 7 of those years (I think...never noted when I moved from copywriting and design to QC, plus there was a stretch where I flipped back to CW/Design...really should ask HR). I've established myself as a solid, dependable little workhorse, and I have 4 very old years of experience in management from when I was fresh out of college, so when this position came up, I finally considered myself worthy enough to try for it.

I had a first interview. It was good, a helluva lot better than the rambling clusterf*ck that I pulled off for the marketing interview I tried for awhile back. I communicated fairly well, and showed enough initiative in my answers to her questions that she did recommend me for a 2nd interview. I got the notice for it on Tuesday and accepted it. That interview would be with at least 3 other managers. That's not what scared me though. What scared me was the possibility that I might actually get the job.

Sounds cowardly, when I say it that way, so let me explain further.....I accepted the 2nd interview on Tuesday and felt empowered. Went to the library to check out a bunch of books to help me brush up on my managerial skills. Screwed up a site or two in the meantime, and my numbers have dropped this week, thanks to being distracted. Everyone screws up occasionally...it's not like they'd bring that up in the interview or anything. I've also found myself this week in several situations when I'm editing, where I'm needing to send sites back for 2nd opinions, because my indecisiveness got in the way. This is no biggie when you're an editor, but if you're the manager of the team, you need to be able to look at something and KNOW whether it's right or wrong, or if it's a grey area that requires further discussion. I have strong doubts about my ability to back up my opinion where design is concerned.

There are other practical experience issues. I'm an excellent editor and writer, and I have improved my design eye greatly in the last year or two. But I'm always going to be a better writer than designer, and as a manager, you really need high skills in both. Also, there are two big gaps in my expertise: Photoshop and PowerPoint. Being the QC Manager would require competency in Photoshop, because if a site lands on my desk for review and requires just a tweak of something to make it perfect, as a manager, I should have that ability; not be forced to toss it to an underling to fix. Yes, this is something that I could learn in the first weeks of the position, but is that really fair to the underlings in the meantime? It weakens my position as a manager, and emphasizes my lack of fitness for the position. PowerPoint, I'm sure, is easy enough to master once you take the time; but again, with the number of special projects that get tossed on the QC Manager's desk by the higher-ups (I've seen it, and know that as much as you want to be able to just manage your team, the QC Manager ends up fighting fires in half a dozen other departments as well), I'd need proficiency fast, and again, it's not fair to underlings to delegate work because I'm unable to do it.

I woke up in the mornings and went to bed at night pondering my fitness for the position. It tied me into knots. When you're thinking that the worst case scenario is that you might actually get the job, then it's time to re-evaluate your priorities. While the 2nd interview would give me much-needed experience in the interview process, it's not worth wasting the time of my colleagues if I don't even want the job, if I know in my bones that I'm still not ready for it. I know this company. I know that I'd be breaking my neck for them, working extra hours on salary, and not getting paid what I'm worth. I do that now, and the only difference is the complete lack of OT available, thanks to the economy. Do I really want to throw myself into a much higher stress situation, if the payoff isn't worth it? I'm older, wiser, and better medicated than when I was a manager for the theater; but I also understand what it means to be a manager now, and the truth is that there's no wiggle room for adapting to the position—you have to be able to jump on a moving treadmill. If I were to do that without those 2 key areas of expertise, I'd hit a wall very quickly.

I cringe with how flaky it makes me look, but I went back and declined the appointment for the 2nd interview this morning.

Today's the first of October. Our new lease runs until October 31, 2011. We have 13 months to figure out how to move up to Charlotte and save enough money to make it happen. A promotion would certainly help that endeavor. But I can't go for something just for the extra money, when trying for it sets off these continual warning bells in my head. I have to do what's right for me, and while I know, also deep in my bones, how very important it is for us to move out of this godforsaken state, I can't work toward that endeavor at the possible expense of my sanity. I've finally started on a path to true health and fitness...I'm not giving that up, not for a little extra dough and a lot more grief.

I don't see this as not having enough faith in myself. I see it as pragmatic and self-preserving. Maybe I am rationalizing, but at least now I know where my weaknesses lie, and I can take the necessary steps to improve my resume for next year. The only thing I hate is how wishy-washy I look; otherwise, I'm experiencing relief that this decision (QC Manager) is behind me for now.

A little slice of heaven

We moved Meara up to Charlotte the weekend of July 4th. I took exactly 3 pictures the whole time we were there, and 2 of them were en route. Instead I just looked at everything with big eyes and soaked it up like a sponge. My memories kept me inside my own head for days after we got back from NC.

Florida has a feel to it that's quite different from New England. The tropical landscape and weather bring something else to the table that I can't clearly define. I just know that even after 25 years of living in Florida, I still miss the environment of New England. The air feels different.

South Charlotte, NC, where my sis has planted herself for now, is beyond gorgeous: long stretches of high-end suburbia with more green than you can shake a stick at; deliberate, aesthetically handsome neighborhoods; and weather that turns fair in the evenings, even in July. The facades they've created for businesses are really something, designed so you can barely tell it's a McDonald's or a PF Chang's.

Just thinking about it to write about it puts me back there, cruising the streets with Meara getting to know the area, even just a little. We drove with the windows down and breathed deeply. We saw fireflies at night.

I'm confident I've found a city I can live near, where I'll be happy.

So. Damn. Angry.

It's always disappointing when dreams go on hold. I rode through the SC farmland back from the inlaws last weekend, and dreamt of our little patch of land. I want 5+ acres, enough room to rotate my sheep and have a nice-sized garden. I make plans in my head for the chicken coop, the sheep shelters, raised beds vs. flat rowed planting, bee hives and strawberry plants and an herb garden near the kitchen.....

When we last tried to move, our credit wasn't good enough and we got turned down at an apartment in Columbia. We quickly saw that that would be the case anywhere we tried to apply, and so the idea was shelved. Dad passed a month later. Everything happens for a reason.

Fast forward 3 years later, and you'd think we'd be in a better position. Alas, thanks to my crummy job and Les's crummy health (I'm not being mean when I say that about him; it's just the nature of the beast), our financial sitch is no better...in fact, it may have just become substantially worse. It's not that we don't know how to save. But with the combination of Les's inability to work and the damn economy, we literally live paycheck to paycheck. Still examining how to remedy that.

He and I try to take care of our respective health. He goes to a specialist for his migraines, and his intestinal pain earlier this year took him to a gastroenterologist. Turns out he has diverticulosis, thanks to his meds. Got an abdominal CAT scan to acquire that diagnosis. Meanwhile, I hadn't been to my cardiologist since Dad passed, and since I was no skinnier and had turned 40, seemed like a good time to get myself checked out. I had an echo, nuclear stress test, and sleep study; then the stress test showed a shadow, so they ordered an angiogram. Thankfully, everything's fine...no apnea, no blockages, no signs of aortic wear and tear. Actually, thankfully doesn't cover it where my relief is concerned, since they can't tell you if aortic dissection is caused by injury or genetic defect. Or maybe they can, but those tests would be too expensive for insurance to cover at all...who knows...anyway, the echo and stress tests should occur annually for me from now on, and I'm working on my weight.

I like to think I'm good at reading the fine print. I was frickin' pre-law, for gosh sakes! Everything I'd read on my insurance company's website indicated that diagnostic testing was covered 100%. Turns out I wasn't reading in the right place. About 2 weeks ago, Les went to his follow-up with the gastroenterologist, and they presented him with a bill for about $800. Blew our minds. I vowed to get to the bottom of it, but Memorial Day weekend hit, we went to SC for the holiday, and I'm just now investigating the issue.

The news isn't good. There's a separate section of our policy dealing with major diagnostic testing, such as CT scans, nuclear medicine, and the like ::sigh::...80% covered after the deductible is met ($750 apiece). Adding to the good news is the fact that they misdiagnosed me for the sleep study, so the insurance company denied it completely...I'm going to have to get in touch with United and possibly my cardio office to hash that out.

As I mentioned in my main blog, our apartment complex is offering us a $20 reduction in rent if we sign on for another 14 months. The timing is serendipitous. While the idea of staying in that smoky, cluttered abomination of an apartment for another year-and-then-some makes me rage inside, I also know in my heart it's the smartest course of action. There's no way we'd be in good shape credit-wise by March 2011 (my latest original plan for our move); hell, if I get pregnant in the next year, October's going to be a stretch. Les and I will talk this weekend about our choices, but I already know which way I'm leaning.

Our finances dictate a certain level of realism; it's probably why I'm not more upset about this. Subject line aside, my anger is mainly at myself, for not researching the fine print more carefully. I don't like being surprised to the tune of hundreds of dollars, not when every damn paycheck is squeezed til it squeaks these days. I hate the idea of having to set aside another $25 here, $25 there to keep the billing offices at bay, when it's hard enough to keep us in fresh vegetables. But I make my lists, adjust our budget, and push forward. I wanted to go to Charlotte for my birthday, but I'll toss all unnecessary travel to the back burner for the rest of the year, declare moratoriums on fast food and Starbucks, and get financial advice from my Lil Sis, who's so anal with her finances, she never lets her accounts get below $1K. There's gotta be a way out of this, if we're diligent and patient enough. I have to believe my little patch of land will happen when we're ready.

Pride

Les's disability application done! Just have to mail or handcarry the release to the SS office, so they can get his medical files from his docs.

Still waiting on interview for potential promotion...they expanded the position to include media relations. This week will be spent prepping.

Repositioning the dream

Last week was a week of reality checks. I'm taking it really well, relieved in fact, which tells me I'm doing the right thing by not rushing this.

The plain truth is even if we liquidated a portion of my 401(k) (which I am willing to do, if it means starting a new life in a new place), we wouldn't have enough money and our credit isn't in good enough shape yet to move. So we'll be renewing the lease here in Jax. That hurts, of course, because the apartment really is a pit, and we've been there for 11 years now. But it's necessary. So the dream shifts again.

Haven't given up, of course...far from it. Want to renew the lease for just 7 months...need to get with the complex, see if they're going to charge more for that over the 12. Can't stand the idea of going another 12, and that would make us out of here next March, which is a good month to move.

It's helped me see what I want in a house and in a home. When I say house, I mean the initial rental; when I say home, I mean when we're able to buy. How much land I want, what kind of animals I'd like to raise on that land, what amenities I'm looking for in a house. Feeds the dream nicely.

North Carolina's still very much in the cards...we're visiting the inlaws in SC next month, and I'm hoping to get to Charlotte at least, to look around. In the meantime, I continue to live vicariously through Cold Antler Farm, I've started Les's social security disability paperwork again finally, and I'm working on a promotion to help finance the dream.

Wow. Work cut out for me.

Just started a list of potential expenses for the move to NC. It's a tall order.

I used to be quite the list maker, anal Virgo and all that, but it's dropped off significantly in recent years and with it, my personal/mental/physical organization. It's not pretty, but this isn't about that. It's about looking at a list and thinking, damn, I've got some serious work to do and it all hinges on things I'm not even sure are realistic yet.

Like will our credit even allow us to move?

Like what if I can't find a decent paying job?

Those are the biggies. But those concerns aside, it's a matter of making lists that spring off of this list, and compiling information through research, to determine the true costs and how to make them work for this move. I think I have the money, and there's a ceiling I wish/we have to honor as to how much of that money is used; so it's time to iron out the details.

The first list, Potential Expenses:

1. New house (rental)
a. Application fee
b. First months' rent
c. Security deposit equal to one months' rent
d. Possible realtor commission
e. Landlord bribe :) (hopefully just kidding)

2. Moving van (UHaul, Budget, Penske, etc.) & boxes

3. House amenities
a. Washer/dryer rental or purchase (thinking we rent first, save to purchase)
b. Lawn mower (unless we're lucky enough to have a landlord that offers landscaping, but I'm not holding my breath...this is an expense that can maybe wait until the first paycheck or two of a new job)
c. Couch (we're throwing the old one out; it's not making the trip with us)

4. Utilities
a. New deposits/installation costs
1. Water/sewer
2. Electric/gas
3. Cable (initially, though Les is itching for a dish, so ?)
4. Garbage/recycling

5. Food/drink bribes for Cyril and friends to come help us load the truck on moving day.

More later...let the research begin!

So where are we?

I started this blog in '06?!

That does make sense...I'm just surprised so much time has past.

Yes, we're still in Jacksonville. Yes, I still hate it like the dickens. We're looking at Charlotte, North Carolina, because it's a large city so it has good job potential, and Les lived in the Raleigh area before, so he's not jazzed to go back there. It's not a bad area, it's just we're both looking for something new.

We tried to move in '07, but our credit wasn't good enough to find housing. And then Dad passed, and life went on hold. I can't say that our credit is much better than it was 3 years ago, but time has improved it a bit, even if our actions haven't.

Not much else has changed...our apartment is floor to ceiling stuff in places. I have a tall order ahead of me getting it purged down to moveable. Les has been ill for 2 months now (diverticulitis), and even when he's in good shape, he's unable to do as much as he'd like. I thrive on taking charge of projects like this, but as the year gets away from me a bit, it's rather daunting.

So time to initiate lists again...I pulled out the dayrunner at the beginning of this year, and it's proved helpful with doc appointments and keeping my head on straighter. I used to be a big ole Virgo list maker. So now, as March falls away from me so quickly, it's time to really look at how I need the next couple of months to lay out, and what I need to be doing to make them so.

Our lease runs out August 31, 2010. Ideally I should secure a new job a month ahead of that, by July 31, 2010. At the same time, I should be closing in on a home up there. Emphasis on home: we're not even looking at apartment complexes. I'm going to research rental websites and find a few key realtors or management companies, because I WILL get us into a house.

Disenchanted

There comes a point where you wonder if your hard work will ever pay off.

I'm in limbo. I'm hoping to move us around September 1, 2010 to a city in the Carolinas. The economy and Les's health being what they are, I'm trying to remain patient at my current job.

I've been working for this company for 9½ years. I know how they operate. They don't believe in cost-of-living raises, or merit raises, for that matter. Rather, they instill an incentive system to our pay that's supposed to pay off in spades when we hit certain criteria. For at least 6 years, they've operated on this premise. In the long run, it's pretty flawed, but they swear they're in the process of revamping it.

Meanwhile, I'm working a position that hasn't been filled in at least 6 months. One person or another got moved to another department, and I slid into the job. They've adjusted my pay pretty fairly, given the interim status of my work, but I get the sinking feeling that when they do get around to finally interviewing me for the position, I won't get it because they'll have someone else in mind. I have the backing of my immediate superior, and there are other superiors who know my work and react positively to the idea of my holding a supervisory position, but I've also seen this scenario happen before to other people, and it's impossible not to be cynical. I've also seen people placed in supervisory positions, where the choice made absolutely no sense and occurred to the detriment of the department. There's no point in looking for work while I'm here in Jax...would make much more sense to stick it out regardless, especially since Les and I are trying to start a family.

This situation will certainly motivate me to ensure decent employment wherever we end up moving, as well as expand my resume with computer training, maybe grab some freelance editing jobs to get my feet wet in that arena...but in the meantime, how long do I continue letting myself be used?

Hello, little blog...

I haven't forgotten you...just might need to change the title to NCMoving...

Charlotte's the new obsession. Bigger city, more opportunities, slightly more temperate weather. We'll see where my mental wanderings take me over the next few months, as we renew the lease on the pit of despair and I reconnoiter our finances and budget/project...

Yeah, right

Still want to move to North Carolina...can't seem to get away from it. It's further north, the weather will be even more temperate, there's gotta be more opportunity because the cities are larger, it just feels better than South Carolina...whether my reasons are rational or irrational, I've been doing a lot of living in the future this week, and it was mainly in NC. I'm restless as hell in our current sitch, so I dream of where I want to be 5 or 10 years from now. I see myself with a child or two, a little house with a little yard, a decent herb garden and some vegetables, a dog and more cats.....there's so damn much I want out of this life. What's stopping me? Money's an excuse, not a reason.

So...there's planning and cleaning and organizing to be done. There's motivating the Husby to find some work, any small amount of work that earns a wage to get us out of our hole. We couldn't move right now if we wanted to, our credit is no better than it was 2 years ago when we tried to move last time. I can't stand the idea of starting a family in that hole of an apartment we live in, but it's going to happen. What's important is getting us out of there as quickly as possible. It'll take at least a year to repair things financially, but it'll be so worth it.

Sliding back to reality

So I'm thinking that Columbia is still a wise first move out of state...refocusing my thinking on that city and the areas around it.

Autumn 2008

So Mom's finally moved, we're still here...we're trying to make a baby, and I desperately want to move the f*ck out of Jax...time to start turning those dreams into plans and goals.

I'm thinking we stick it out through the current lease, then renew for 7 months. By then, I want us to be ready credit- and family-wise to leave Jax. I'm expanding my city search to North Carolina, with an emphasis on Charlotte or the Raleigh-Durham area. Why? A couple of reasons:

• Visiting Columbia felt like visiting a smaller version of Jacksonville.
• The economy dictates we live near a decent-sized city.
• We have no desire to investigate Charleston or Savannah.

Husby's lived in Raleigh-Durham area before, remembers it to be expensive, so Charlotte's getting the closer look first. In the meantime, we have an extraordinary amount of work to do in our own place, as Mom's move meant inheriting a pile of stuff that has effectively taken over the dining area. The coming weeks will be spent tucking into our boxes and organizing and purging. Lists to come...

Plans

Looking at life from the viewpoint of possibly being someone's mother 9 months later.....it's an eyeopener, and not in any way that I've paid lip service to before; I mean an actual eyeopener, a holy-crap-we-HAVE-to-get-our-shit-together-no-more-f*ing-around eyeopener. I don't think I'm pregnant yet, though that's mainly for superstititious reasons (it was our first try, I want it too much, we're not that lucky...), but ever since we did it, I've been looking at life with a slightly shorter eye. Usually my eye is way the heck out in front, dreaming of a house with a patch of land for a garden and chickens and the freedom to homeschool while still maintaining health insurance...yeah, they're definitely more dreams than plans, but still...That's fine for a 5-year plan, but the 1-year plan has to get some attention now. Between the ancient carpet and walls, stale smoke permeating everything, and serious space issues, I'm having trouble finding it acceptable to start a family at that apartment. I get that it may be unavoidable while we clean up our credit enough to move, but that means a pissload of work in the interim.

First up, the boxes...under the table in the dining area, stacked in the corner of the living room, stacked next to the easy chair, stacked in the walk-in closet...I packed to move us 2 years ago, and we never unpacked. We don't have a storage space, but if we can't downsize all that crap, then it's time to start shopping for one.

Secondly, purging and repositioning furniture...both end tables, the glass and heavy wood (bedroom) coffee tables, switching out the worktable for the typewriter table in the garage (as a sewing station), acquiring the computer desk, turning current computer desk back into a dining table, downsizing dresser contents in the bedroom and finding better storage for some clothes (to make room for eventual crib)...that's a good start.

Third, fresh area rugs over the current carpet, like EVERYWHERE! Scrubbing down all the walls and vents, buying new HEPA filters, convincing Husby to smoke on porch until he quits, and anything else I can think of to green up the joint...

Of course, the budgeting hasn't taken on enough of a life yet...looked at those bullet points from the last post, and we're still slacking in key areas. But I have a better handle on the finances of late and while we're still painfully behind, we haven't been bouncing stuff, and Husby's folks just suffered a financial (and emotional) setback that made it all too clear that we have to stop "borrowing" from Grandma; it's SO time to stand on our own two feet.

So...on the off chance my assumptions are incorrect in that first paragraph, guess it's time to get started...

ACK!

Two years

That's the minimum I'm placing on us, two years before we can move out of Florida. It's a hard pill to swallow, but even if Husby got back into the workforce tomorrow, we've got a lot of debt to chip away at before our credit even makes the move realistic. The only thing that's changed in a year with our finances, is I passed the 10-year mark on being discharged from my bankruptcy. We still wouldn't be considered a good risk if we inquired to rent anywhere right now. That's, of course, unacceptable; and I'll be budgeting us through the end of '08 with that reality in mind. We can refile for Social Security disability next February, but in the meantime, I'm prodding Husby to look for work; and I'll be budgeting our lives with his teeth in mind, scrimping just a bit at a time to get him full dentures. His life would improve so much if he had a healthy mouth; I totally get that it's a big thing that holds him back from looking for work and being in public much. So it's a tall order, and moving has to take a back burner for now, especially in light of us trying to start a family. Heck, maybe it'll mean staying in Florida until our small people are hitting school-age and then deciding if we're able and want to move outside Atlanta or Chapel Hill, to get them in one of the Waldorf schools. Who knows? What I do know is I need to stop pushing, pushing toward SC for now, and concentrate on improving our lives here in Florida.

So ok, what's next?

• Creating a budget
• Outlawing those fast-food splurges that always occur on paycheck days
• Get the monthly bills up to date
• Pull an amount automatically from my paychecks into the saving account, AND LEAVE IT THERE
• Expand repertoire of home-cooked meals
• Continue purging the apartment of things we don't need or won't use

A good start, more to come....

So much stuff...

I look around our apartment and wonder how we're going to be able to purge enough to move comfortably. I look around my mom's house and see things I'm going to inherit. It's overwhelming. There are things I want and am happy to take off her hands, but when we're still living in 800 square feet and can't afford a storage space realistically, it's a tad daunting. I'm only looking for houses to rent in Columbia; I'm over the concept of an apartment and then some.

About 2/3rd of the aloe has been gifted, which is a large relief. Mom and I planted a border of aloe and herbs in front of her shrubs last weekend, and one big plant went to Mom J. as well. That leaves the Big Boys (who are reaching "holy shit" proportions), and a large pot with about 3 plants, some babies, and a weed that I'm curious about and planning to transplant to its own pot. In a remarkable turn of events, the complex is actually building our porch this week, so I may get to do some planting after all. Going to skim my Garden Primer for ideas on later-spring planting...

Made a reservation at Sesquiscentennial (sp?) State Park in Columbia for 3 weeks from now. We'll spend a day with his folks, and then go over and camp. Should be exhausting, but fun; we've only really camped twice(?), but we both enjoy it.

So the next couple of weeks will be spent cataloging what we do own and purging more, to make room for things we may inherit. Reclaiming our porch. Figuring out how to move the computer desk from Mom's place to ours. Purging some more. Getting some more stuff boxed (like winter clothes). Did I mention purging?