Yeah, well, it was a nice idea....

That concept of getting anything accomplished this past weekend, that is. That funeral Saturday seemed to be ok, I made it through alright, but Sunday brought this emotional shutdown, the likes of which I haven't experienced in ages. I was completely numb, couldn't think about much beyond knitting or napping....have you ever been too depressed to cry? I was there. So I let it happen, and sure enough, as evening rolled around, I noticed a lightening in my mood, just enough to look at the short term and think, ok, I can make it to work tomorrow without wanting to go on the roof with a rifle and take out road ragers for principle's sake...

So nothing got accomplished, and that may not be a bad thing. The concern with mass purging of apartment detritus is the possibility that you'll throw something out that you might actually wish you'd kept later on. I keep looking at those old couch cushions and thinking, geez, they're a pain in the ass. And then I look at them and think, but if I cut about a 1/4 off of each of them, the small pieces would make good cushions for under my neck and back when I'm doing yoga, and the larger ones could be recovered together for a meditation cushion. And sure, that's some work, but the alternative is whining because you don't have a meditation cushion, because everything in our budget right now is assessed according to need, and that'd be WAY down on the list after food, shelter, car, etc. That wouldn't even make a Christmas list really; yet it's something that'd be real nice to have. Priorities.

So those will stay, and I may revisit the crappy bookcase as a source of storage for our DVDs, because we really don't have a place for those right now, and dipping in and out of boxes when we need something isn't the answer.

Fresh weekend and some fresh healing

Middle of the week brought the sad news about my former colleague, Jill, so nothing apartment-wise got accomplished this week after that. I haven't talked to her in years, but it's so soon after Dad, that it's produced a fresh wave of profound sadness and feeling like I'm walking around a bit numb and sans skin. So I've been getting to bed early and giving into comfort foods a bit.

This Saturday, I'll try not to lose the whole day as I attend Jill's funeral and then recover from that. Nothing else planned this weekend, so I hope to at least throw out the old couch cushions, the bookcase, and maybe one coffee table and get some more tidying done.

Fresh week, fresh list

Nice thing about lists...they're not set in stone.

Cleared out the bookcase that held the CDs/DVDs and came to my senses about it...it's getting tossed. We've had it for years, and it's a piece of crap...just not worth keeping around. In true packrat fashion, I thought about keeping the shelves for a moment (for what purpose, I haven't a clue), but came to my senses about that too.

Spent Saturday morning filing paperwork and going through our credit reports, which weren't nearly as scary and depressing as I thought they were. Not by a long shot. Granted the scores could be better, and we're still not in any position to like, move...but the debts that show up on both are manageable (with the exception of last years' repo, and even that isn't hurting us yet the way I thought it would be)....apparently credit reports are a bit backwards, meaning that old $50 debt is going to hurt you more than the $5,000 one. I ain't complaining. Plus my whole report SHOULD get a nice shot in the arm around April of next year (the 10-year mark for my bankruptcy). Or rather it damn well better or I'm gonna be making phone calls.

I learned this weekend what a case of baby steps it is, to tackle 9 years of accumulation in an apartment. Aside from the paperwork, I unpacked 2 boxes, packed and stowed another, unearthed the easy chair from all the papers and crap that've been sitting in it for months. It doesn't seem like much now, but I felt so terrific afterward. Now the key is keeping it up, and it's not that hard, it turns out. Last night, I couldn't find dick on TV, was too restless to knit or read, so I went back to the desk and spent 20 minutes going through some more stuff, simple filing mostly. I'm getting a lot better at managing my time and turning off the tube when necessary.

This week I hope to tackle more of the dining room, as well as the hall closet. I'm also going to cut the cord on the leftover cushions from my old couch.

And another thing.....

Funny thing.....of course nothing's been accomplished yet, but I think I feel a little more settled in my head since writing all those ideas down.

Could be the muscle relaxants too, i guess...

Thought of another category:

Stuff we need from the apartment complex:

1. Repair performed on front screen (bending it straight) so it won't let bugs in.
2. Screen for back window
3. Closet hardware

Fresh list

One thing I can easily reconcile myself to, here in August of '07, is the realization that we ain't moving anywhere out of town for at least another year and a half. Just not possible. Between our usual destitute financial sitch and the taxes we'll owe next year on the stocks we liquidated this year, there's no way we'll be able, short of winning Lotto, to save enough to get the hell out of Dodge (Jax) in the near future. Might be able to move within the city, but we just won't be able to attain the financial stability to move north. Good to recognize it now, I think. Keep my head outta the clouds on that score. Of course it helps that we've had a really mild summer (in my head anyway)...I entered a remarkably tolerant phase where heat and humidity are concerned, somewhere around May 12...not going to knock it or analyze it, just enjoy it while it lasts. Well, not analyzing it is a lie; I know I'm loving the rain whenever/wherever it happens because we had such a dry, destructive spring. But the humidity just hasn't been bothering me...heck, yesterday was about the first day that felt like summer in my book (in August! Your average Floridian would most certainly disagree with me on this score...we've certainly had some "90" days before now.) And the SC trip we took recently recharged me nicely, and in spite of the sucky sleeping arrangements there now, we'll still keep traveling up there about 4 times a year, so...

So what now? Get our current living arrangement more tolerable, that's what, and plan smartly for the future. That means lists, categorizing all the "stuff" in my head. There's so much up there, it oughta leak out my ears, but since it can't, it just gets jumbled and overcrowded and presses against my impatience nerves, where I berate myself for not doing enough until I can't do that anymore, and then I explode and take it out on Husby, which is totally unfair, because while he could do more, he also deals with a helluva lot more pain on a daily basis than I do (my current back issues notwithstanding). He doesn't yell, himself; the guy's so gentle he almost seems spineless (which he's not)...makes it doubly unfair for me to take my frustration out on him. The guy's a human teddy bear, just sits there looking cute and taking abuse.

Where was I? Oh yeah, lists...I'll just start in one room and work my way out. This is for organizing/moving furniture and boxes in the apartment.
1. Dining room

• Finish emptying the CD bookcase, move that bookcase to the bedroom (on top of the coffee table for knitting and religious study books and small altar)
• Fill gaps made from book transfers (to bedroom) with books that are still boxed.
• Box and label the children's books.
• Cull the books again and label the boxes for Chamblin's.
• Decide whether the glass-topped coffee table is worth keeping.
• See if you can get a real table from Mom (is that large one still under their bed, or did Dad's office "acquire" it when he passed?)...price large fold-up tables if the fam can't spare one.
• Toss the corkboard once another table has been acquired.
• Measure where the filing cabinet is, and determine if one of the litter boxes could go there.
• Cull the crap in the boxes currently under corkboard.
• Check easy chair for cat damage and think about patching. See if cushion for said chair needs repair.

2. Living room

• Reorganize the current boxes, find better places for them.
• Decide if one or both of the dust-catching end tables are worth keeping.
• Price large area rugs. (old one should be pulled up and replaced, it's beyond nasty)
• Discuss better placement of computer table. (the digital cable placement forces our hand on this one)
• Inspect all cushions on the couch and make repairs.
• Wash the walls (apartment-wide!)
• Dusting and cleaning out of dragon area and corner next to it.
• Get chest/end table from Mom for possible placement in that corner. (one being used as TV table, Mom's keeping the other for now)

3. Hall closet

• Pull out everything and cull.
• Find room on the shelf for the 2nd cat carrier. (not necessary at this time, it's balancing the worktable/corkboard perfectly with the other boxes)

4. Bedroom

• When bookcase gets moved to on top of coffee table, stash boxes will need to be moved back to near wing chair...hideous pile next to wing chair will need reorganization.
• Space so limited in bedroom, not much needs to be done right now...pull out boxes from under bed and reorganize/cull what's in them.

5. Bathroom (includes dressing area/sink)

• Clean out underneath sink, toss every unnecessary thing.
• Scrub countertop, see if there's anything on the market that can bring up the old haircolor spots.
• Clean mirror, and think about a CFB for above it.
• Scrub bathroom floor, john, and shower.

6. Foyer

This area's a catch-all. I'd like to have only 4 things in this area: the potato/onion bin, and 3 canvas hampers for recyclables.

What's required for this to happen:

• Move tool box to better location
• Move Hubbard House boxes to car for delivery
• Don't let trash sit in this area more than 1 day
• Remember to bring green grocery bags back out to car when you see them there
• Buy canvas hampers, label them, and indoctrinate Husby in their use.

There's SO, SO much else...this is just the physical, apartment-y stuff. There's my environmental studies, which have definitely gotten a shot in the arm with Kingsolver's new book. My dreams of having a farm with a garden and animals are taking on new life with this book. I'm wanting to learn to can vegetables and make my own cheese, and grow things! Which means studying first...I want to find the book I have buried somewhere that talks about the when and where of growing things, and I'm going to study the whole section in the Southern Living cookbook about canning, because I'm scared of the concept and I don't want to be! Those are at the forefront hobby-wise, that and the knitting of course. So many irons in the fire there at present, it deserves its own entry...suffice it to say, I'm working baby stuff right now and will soon go back to the bigger items.