Yeah, right

Still want to move to North Carolina...can't seem to get away from it. It's further north, the weather will be even more temperate, there's gotta be more opportunity because the cities are larger, it just feels better than South Carolina...whether my reasons are rational or irrational, I've been doing a lot of living in the future this week, and it was mainly in NC. I'm restless as hell in our current sitch, so I dream of where I want to be 5 or 10 years from now. I see myself with a child or two, a little house with a little yard, a decent herb garden and some vegetables, a dog and more cats.....there's so damn much I want out of this life. What's stopping me? Money's an excuse, not a reason.

So...there's planning and cleaning and organizing to be done. There's motivating the Husby to find some work, any small amount of work that earns a wage to get us out of our hole. We couldn't move right now if we wanted to, our credit is no better than it was 2 years ago when we tried to move last time. I can't stand the idea of starting a family in that hole of an apartment we live in, but it's going to happen. What's important is getting us out of there as quickly as possible. It'll take at least a year to repair things financially, but it'll be so worth it.

Sliding back to reality

So I'm thinking that Columbia is still a wise first move out of state...refocusing my thinking on that city and the areas around it.

Autumn 2008

So Mom's finally moved, we're still here...we're trying to make a baby, and I desperately want to move the f*ck out of Jax...time to start turning those dreams into plans and goals.

I'm thinking we stick it out through the current lease, then renew for 7 months. By then, I want us to be ready credit- and family-wise to leave Jax. I'm expanding my city search to North Carolina, with an emphasis on Charlotte or the Raleigh-Durham area. Why? A couple of reasons:

• Visiting Columbia felt like visiting a smaller version of Jacksonville.
• The economy dictates we live near a decent-sized city.
• We have no desire to investigate Charleston or Savannah.

Husby's lived in Raleigh-Durham area before, remembers it to be expensive, so Charlotte's getting the closer look first. In the meantime, we have an extraordinary amount of work to do in our own place, as Mom's move meant inheriting a pile of stuff that has effectively taken over the dining area. The coming weeks will be spent tucking into our boxes and organizing and purging. Lists to come...

Plans

Looking at life from the viewpoint of possibly being someone's mother 9 months later.....it's an eyeopener, and not in any way that I've paid lip service to before; I mean an actual eyeopener, a holy-crap-we-HAVE-to-get-our-shit-together-no-more-f*ing-around eyeopener. I don't think I'm pregnant yet, though that's mainly for superstititious reasons (it was our first try, I want it too much, we're not that lucky...), but ever since we did it, I've been looking at life with a slightly shorter eye. Usually my eye is way the heck out in front, dreaming of a house with a patch of land for a garden and chickens and the freedom to homeschool while still maintaining health insurance...yeah, they're definitely more dreams than plans, but still...That's fine for a 5-year plan, but the 1-year plan has to get some attention now. Between the ancient carpet and walls, stale smoke permeating everything, and serious space issues, I'm having trouble finding it acceptable to start a family at that apartment. I get that it may be unavoidable while we clean up our credit enough to move, but that means a pissload of work in the interim.

First up, the boxes...under the table in the dining area, stacked in the corner of the living room, stacked next to the easy chair, stacked in the walk-in closet...I packed to move us 2 years ago, and we never unpacked. We don't have a storage space, but if we can't downsize all that crap, then it's time to start shopping for one.

Secondly, purging and repositioning furniture...both end tables, the glass and heavy wood (bedroom) coffee tables, switching out the worktable for the typewriter table in the garage (as a sewing station), acquiring the computer desk, turning current computer desk back into a dining table, downsizing dresser contents in the bedroom and finding better storage for some clothes (to make room for eventual crib)...that's a good start.

Third, fresh area rugs over the current carpet, like EVERYWHERE! Scrubbing down all the walls and vents, buying new HEPA filters, convincing Husby to smoke on porch until he quits, and anything else I can think of to green up the joint...

Of course, the budgeting hasn't taken on enough of a life yet...looked at those bullet points from the last post, and we're still slacking in key areas. But I have a better handle on the finances of late and while we're still painfully behind, we haven't been bouncing stuff, and Husby's folks just suffered a financial (and emotional) setback that made it all too clear that we have to stop "borrowing" from Grandma; it's SO time to stand on our own two feet.

So...on the off chance my assumptions are incorrect in that first paragraph, guess it's time to get started...

ACK!

Two years

That's the minimum I'm placing on us, two years before we can move out of Florida. It's a hard pill to swallow, but even if Husby got back into the workforce tomorrow, we've got a lot of debt to chip away at before our credit even makes the move realistic. The only thing that's changed in a year with our finances, is I passed the 10-year mark on being discharged from my bankruptcy. We still wouldn't be considered a good risk if we inquired to rent anywhere right now. That's, of course, unacceptable; and I'll be budgeting us through the end of '08 with that reality in mind. We can refile for Social Security disability next February, but in the meantime, I'm prodding Husby to look for work; and I'll be budgeting our lives with his teeth in mind, scrimping just a bit at a time to get him full dentures. His life would improve so much if he had a healthy mouth; I totally get that it's a big thing that holds him back from looking for work and being in public much. So it's a tall order, and moving has to take a back burner for now, especially in light of us trying to start a family. Heck, maybe it'll mean staying in Florida until our small people are hitting school-age and then deciding if we're able and want to move outside Atlanta or Chapel Hill, to get them in one of the Waldorf schools. Who knows? What I do know is I need to stop pushing, pushing toward SC for now, and concentrate on improving our lives here in Florida.

So ok, what's next?

• Creating a budget
• Outlawing those fast-food splurges that always occur on paycheck days
• Get the monthly bills up to date
• Pull an amount automatically from my paychecks into the saving account, AND LEAVE IT THERE
• Expand repertoire of home-cooked meals
• Continue purging the apartment of things we don't need or won't use

A good start, more to come....

So much stuff...

I look around our apartment and wonder how we're going to be able to purge enough to move comfortably. I look around my mom's house and see things I'm going to inherit. It's overwhelming. There are things I want and am happy to take off her hands, but when we're still living in 800 square feet and can't afford a storage space realistically, it's a tad daunting. I'm only looking for houses to rent in Columbia; I'm over the concept of an apartment and then some.

About 2/3rd of the aloe has been gifted, which is a large relief. Mom and I planted a border of aloe and herbs in front of her shrubs last weekend, and one big plant went to Mom J. as well. That leaves the Big Boys (who are reaching "holy shit" proportions), and a large pot with about 3 plants, some babies, and a weed that I'm curious about and planning to transplant to its own pot. In a remarkable turn of events, the complex is actually building our porch this week, so I may get to do some planting after all. Going to skim my Garden Primer for ideas on later-spring planting...

Made a reservation at Sesquiscentennial (sp?) State Park in Columbia for 3 weeks from now. We'll spend a day with his folks, and then go over and camp. Should be exhausting, but fun; we've only really camped twice(?), but we both enjoy it.

So the next couple of weeks will be spent cataloging what we do own and purging more, to make room for things we may inherit. Reclaiming our porch. Figuring out how to move the computer desk from Mom's place to ours. Purging some more. Getting some more stuff boxed (like winter clothes). Did I mention purging?

Neat ideas under wraps

Not that anyone will notice it's gone, but I unpublished the last entry in the interest of fairness. Copyright infringement isn't something I take lightly, and Elements in Time isn't just a blog; it's a website for a 501(c)3, and the last thing I want is to end up in court just because I thought someone's ideas were cool. While that's certainly a worst case scenario, her husband does work in the legal field, and I've watched enough L&O epis to know that Internet copyrighting is finally getting its due. That's not a dig on her husband; it's recognition of the fairness issue in taking other people's ideas...no matter how well you document where they came from, they're still not yours to play with in public.

So I invite you to check out Elements in Time for yourself; their ideas on sustainability are interesting.

There are no words

Well, yeah, right, I'm a writer, there's plenty of words...it just dawned on me that it's only been a year since we were trying to move to SC, not two...our plans fell through last April, and Dad passed away in May, and I remember thanking the gods that SC fell through, because I couldn't imagine not being in Jacksonville when that went down. It feels like yesterday, and at the same time, so much has happened (mainly inside me...so much has changed, or feels like it has)...realizing that it really has only been a year since we last tried to move to SC is a reality that'll take some getting used to.

Not that it means anything in the grand scheme...just shocking is all. I mean, not much has changed actually...we're still pretty screwed financially and it'll take at least this next year to get us anywhere near ready to move out of state. But I really thought it'd been 2 years since we'd last tried, since I'd gotten so close, only to have housing fall through. How can it be that last year, right at this time, I was finding out that we weren't going to be able to pull off the move?

My god, but it's maddening the way the grief sneaks up on you...I was just editing a website that services the Androscoggin county area of Maine, and the tears moved to the front of my eyes...there's papermills in that area, Dad used to travel up there. When's it going to stop socking me in the gut like that?

Wanderlust

Man, has it kicked in! Maybe it's because we haven't been anywhere since Christmas, but geez, I'm ready to get out of this town for a bit. We're planning to go up to SC next weekend; it's going to be nice to get the hell out of Dodge.

Since I'm back in Columbia mode, it only makes sense that when we go camping next month (for Dad's anniversary), we go to Sesquiscentennial State Park. It's right up the street from Husby's Lil Sis, and this way, when we're not traipsing around the wilds of central SC, we can be exploring the city a little more. Looking forward to it!

This weekend I hope to go over to Mom's on Saturday and plant that blankety-blank aloe (and do laundry)...otherwise, will try to spend time outdoors, and get some planning/dreaming/listing in...still on the mend from this blasted flu, so not making huge amounts of plans...would just be setting myself up for disappointment, and I'm disappointed enough that it's taking me so long to heal.

14 Months

The combination of recovering from the flu and signing a new lease has definitely reawakened the wanderlust. It would be so easy to settle down here, some would say we certainly have already, but I'd hate it and I doubt being this close to sea level helps Husby's head either. I've never been a fan of Florida, and Jacksonville is definitely not a city I want to raise kids in. So it's time to get thinking about the move again. The new lease runs until 5/31/09. 14 months to go...

I gave thought to other towns, like Anderson and Spartanburg, but realistically Columbia is our best choice for a first move out of state. Moving somewhere smaller would just be too limiting, and moving somewhere larger, like Charlotte, would just be trading one heinous mess for another. It's fine to look at other towns as possibilities for after Columbia, but starting out fresh, it's a really nice city with quite a bit of opportunity.

Naturally the only possible way to pull off said move is to carve into our debt a bit. So my initial work toward this will involve budgeting and motivating Les to look for part-time work. While we're doing this, we're also going to be trying for our first child, so it's going to require significant effort to pull off. I have all the confidence in the world that we can, but without planning, we'll be stuck in Jacksonville, and that's just not acceptable. 14 months is a perfectly realistic span of time in which to pull off this goal. Time to get started...

Thinking

Springtime. Time of new beginnings, fresh starts...we finally got the bank account back, which is a monumental relief, and next month my credit may get just a pinch cleaner, thanks to the 10-year mark on my bankruptcy. We're signing a new lease soon, on a place that ain't worth the money unless you count the area of town we live in, and it has me thinking hard about how we've let ourselves slip off our path, and what needs to be done to get back on that sucker.

We'll sign for one more year, because it's just unrealistic to do otherwise. It'll take that whole year just to get our credit to a place where we can move. Never mind that I hope to be pregnant this time next year, and just how vast an undertaking an out-of-town move is, after 10 years in one spot. That's what thinking is for.

I'm still on the mend from this flu, which helped me drop a couple of pounds and has me looking at life in different ways. I don't do sick well at all, and coupled with the decreased Paxil in my system...let's just say Husby's had his hands full with me. A move of this magnitude means putting life into different categories; there's just so much to consider, from where we move and what jobs are available, to a decent pain management doctor for Husby and potential schools...I let it drop for almost a year, and then Dad passed, and only now, another year later, am I able to look on the project with fresh eyes and head.

So where to start?

• Nail down the most realistic locations.
• Continue purging our belongings.
• Price storage spaces here.
• Stop acquiring furniture, unless it's going in a storage space.

This is just the beginnings of thoughts, the very first things coming into my head after a solid week and a half of fog and pain of flu...more later.

Planning, always planning...

Aloe:

• Have to give it attention and thought this weekend; it's not enjoying the time out of the sun. Talk with Mom, see if she'll help with some topsoil and containers, and start planting over there.

Computer desk:

• See if it can be broken down.
• If so, transport it ASAP; if not, take measurements and form Plan B for acquisition.

I'm resigning myself to the fact that serious spring planting isn't going to occur; I just don't have access to enough sun. The porch was demolished about 2 weeks ago, but there's no way of knowing how long it's going to take for them to build the new one. We're talking subcontractors for an apartment complex; it's probably hard enough getting them to show up sober. Probably better this way anyway, gives me more time to educate myself. Finally found that Rodale book in my stash; combined with my garden primer and my herb books, it's a great start. I'd love to dabble in some indoor herbs, but I really don't trust Figaro not to nibble at anything that shoots up.

Thanks to Mom's apartment hunting, it's helped me realize that I just don't want to put forth the effort to look for anywhere else to live in this city. Our credit's probably only gotten worse since we tried to move to SC (2 years ago!), but I'm so over being here, in this town and this apartment. I want a yard, I don't give a damn what size, and a carport or garage where I can do stuff, and an extra bedroom for the intended small person, and a sunroom or office wouldn't get turned away either. I don't ask for much, I know ::wry grin:: So it's time to do more than set those goals. Once the bank account is back up to snuff, which should be in just another 2 weeks, by hook or by crook, I'll start budgeting. I told Les on our anniversary last week, that I really didn't want to be here more than 1 more year, and he was receptive.

Looking ahead...

Yeah, yeah, I know, I look ahead too much...keeps me from living in the present. Screw it. We're trying for kids, gotta look forward to plan.

The porch construction started today! With a little luck, we'll have a new screened-in porch within a week or three. I'm really looking forward to that...have been delaying getting started on seeds, because I had no clue if I'd have a porch at all come summer. With the contractors building it now, I can probably still do quite a bit of container gardening this year, thanks to our delightful climate. Guess I need to stop begrudging the tropics, if it could help feed us this year...

Renewing the lease for a year...no real choice there.

Reorganized the dining area yet again, in an attempt to give us a dining table of sorts that we could actually eat off of, if we wanted. May try setting up my sewing machine there this week...I'm really getting the itch to try some basic sewing work (quilting or women's tops are at the head of my interests...quilting cuz I've been rereading the Little House books, and tops because I'm reaching a point of needing some new ones...and I'm not going to spend $20 on something that was made by a Chinese girl half my age, if I can make it myself instead...we'll see). Also still thinking of making a weaving loom out of two of the knitting looms Mom J gave me for Christmas...I procured a small slab of plywood from Mom's, which I'm sanding and staining...then I'll glue the looms to either end of the board and see where I go from there. Really don't know what I'm doing, so it's a learn-as-you-go thing.

We're in significant debt still, and we're trying for kids now, so I don't look ahead to SC as a specific destination right now. I know I still want to move there, and I'll be pointing us in that direction. I research other cities in the hills, like Spartanburg and Anderson. I know I don't want our kids to reach school age and still be a) living in Jacksonville, and b) in an apartment; so with that knowledge, I'm crafting our budget for the next year, and then the next two. I don't even want to look for housing for rent, as in a house, in Jacksonville, because our price range isn't a safe area of town, period. I know there's going to be crime anywhere we move, but there's no reason to hunker down and make yourself to home with it if you don't have to. Where we're at now is bad enough; I really wonder how many of our neighbors are legal (as in, have green cards), because in the last year, the complex has been overrun by tan-skinned individuals who drive 15-passenger vans to get to work, and pay their buddies in cash at the end of the day. That gets my uppity white-girl ire up...makes me want to approach them when I see that, and ask them for advice on filing quarterly tax returns, just to get a reaction. And that's not me being a bigot...my potential brother-in-law does the same thing: works for a golf course, makes a pile in tips, spends it on his booze and pill habit instead of his child support, and doesn't give a thought to filing quarterlys like he should, since he's an independent contractor. I'd wish an audit on him, but the guy's already facing jail time probably for the child support issue. F*cking idiot. Every time Husby and I visit, we toy with the idea of whisking our adorable niece back to Florida with us. About time we make our own kids, so we can stop thinking about stealing relatives, huh?

But I digress...this is going to be a good year, a rebuilding year. We're trying for kids and chipping away at our debt. I'm planning a camping trip with Husby in May, because I have no intention of being in Jacksonville, or Florida for that matter, when Dad's 1-year rolls around. And the rest will come together of its own accord...I'm in a good place.

Thinkingthinkingthinking...

Aloe was given a quick appraisal this past weekend...I brought in everybody but the Big Boys and set them on the worktable, where surprisingly Figaro has been only wandering amidst, not attempting to chew on...good thing too, since I'm unaware of just how caustic they might be to her...better look that up ASAP and see if I need to be covering them too.

Crap, checked the ASPCA website and will be probably moving the plants back outside, so don't worry about Fig...last thing I want is another anorexic cat. Shit. Really liked having a porch you could move on. Ah well...as it is, I'll transplant them outside provided I still have a porch when I get the supplies. May see if I can get away with putting one or two plants outside of the front door.

Need to appraise the rest of the house and see what's next. Talking Husby into Windows Home & Student 2007, which will effectively empty every binder in the house if I use it right (OneNote looks like a dream come true for an anal, yet scattered, soul like me.

So what's next?

I want to start some seeds.

1. Weed aloe.
2. Take a count of how many "plants" there are. This is to assess number and manner of giveaways.
3. Give away as much aloe as possible. Subtly suggest to Mom the concept of an aloe grove in their back or side yard (might make a nice selling point when she's trying to unload the house!)
4. Purchase decent almanac. Can anyone tell me if that yellow paperback is still the end-all, be-all of almanacs for gardening, knowing moon phases, etc.?
5. Look online for suggestions on Zone 9 planting schedules.
6. Retrieve supplies from plastic bin on porch, and throw out plastic bin (passed its usefulness point awhile ago).
7. Take a count of your planting containers. Categorize them, measuring their depths. Based on those categorizations, make a list of what seeds you'd like to start.
8. I'm working mainly with plastics here, so irrigation holes are needed in the bottoms of the vessels, as well as some kind of tray set-up for underneath them, so I'm not always dealing with water spillage (especially since I'll be moving them so much, at least in the beginning).
9. Bright idea where irrigation/ventilation is concerned: a plastic grate of some kind inside the container, separating roots from bottom...the roots won't drown, and I won't be creating leaky containers with lots of holes (maybe just a side hole for if the plants get flooded by accident?)

I'm thinking a container for herbs, one for lettuce...still deciding what else. Since lighting is fairly limited in our apartment, I'm thinking of putting the plants under mesh out on the porch during the day (weather permitting), and bringing them in at night. Not ideal, I know, but hey, I'm just starting out and you learn by doing. I'm thinking of keeping the plants on the worktable at night, and covering them with a box setup to keep the cat out. She'll tear up or eat anything before it has a chance to grow, if given the opportunity. Love her to death, but she is NOT the poster kitty for low-maintenance critters. Maybe if I grew her some catnip, she'd leave the other stuff alone? Hey, I can dream...

A great start

I am so happy with myself! Really productive weekend. Wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be...started early afternoon Saturday, digging the boxes out of the dining area and glancing inside them to see what I wanted to go where....then moving the end table and boxes with DVDs, CDs, games, etc. over to the other side of the room by the TV...then creating a foundation for my worktable on the other side of the dining area, situated so that I didn't even have to move the litter boxes...then moving the glass coffee table and boxes so that the easy chair and ottoman could also go in the dining area...so wide open now! Vacuumed as I went...and then Sunday morning, sorted all the paperwork I'd unearthed as a result of the moving so I'd have a clean work surface. Tonight, I finished off the dishes and emptied the fridge of scary food, so the kitchen is clean too. Such a difference!! I keep saying, clean house, clean mind.

New lists

My head is back to planning, planning, planning different things with regard to the apartment. We will definitely renew our lease in April, and if we have any sense, it'll be for another full year, so we might as well get that place more liveable. We live surrounded by boxes and clutter, and after almost-10 years, our curtains consist of a sheet and a beach towel. Yes, we're f-ing lazy, plus the money's always seeming to go toward something else, like food. The beach towel is pretty enough where I'd like to make it into a curtain, put it on a rod at least, but still...

I'm chipping away at the dining room this weekend:
1. Go through boxes, see if anything else can be tossed or Goodwilled.
2. Restack boxes on right side of dining room and recreate worktable.
3. Purge bookshelves again.
4. Purge movie posters of the real junk, consolidate, decrease size of Shawshank board down to quote.
5. "Build" DVD and CD shelves

That's a good start :)

2008

A year for creating stability hopefully. Last May knocked everything so far off its flocking axis, I'm only just now standing on two steady feet again. I still can't believe he's gone.



So it's a new year. Our bank account's still in the hole, but we survived Christmas with no one's feelings hurt significantly, thanks to my bonus. Now it's time to dig out and get stable.



Financially we're in real trouble; have been dealing in cash and prepaid debits since Thanksgiving. We received our first nastygram from the bank around Christmas, threatening to close our account if we don't start depositing funds. Going to hit them at lunchtime with my questions, because I'd really rather not lose an account at so reputable a bank; our credit's in enough trouble.



The only way we're getting out of Florida is if Husby gets working and/or gets assistance. We filed the SS papers, he has a 2nd set to file as well, and he has a pain management appointment next week, where hopefully they'll tweak his meds more, make him more functional. He needs a different regimen, both for pain and depression. I'll prod him in those directions. My job is secure, but I need to create prep folders for both of us in case of emergency. My tenure keeps me confident, but the fact remains that business has been down for 6 months now. Given the economy, it stands to reason any job I went looking for right now would be a pay cut; might as well be prepared.



We'll renew our lease in April (please God, let that be an option!!), probably for a year. I can't stand the idea of continuing to stay in Florida, but we really have no choice, so it's time I accepted it for awhile. Bloom where I'm planted.